Why Do All the Good
Films Bomb at the Multiplex?
an original rant by William Redd
What is the deal with movies today? Why does Hollywood
feel the need to release all the crap and only a few good movies
every now and again? Working at Blockbuster I've seen more bad
movies than any one man should be forced to sit through. There
are a few good ones mixed in, but today it just seems like one
shit fest after another.
And the reason Hollywood does this to us, the movie
going public, is because they know they can get away with it.
Why you may ask. Well I'll tell you why, because they have the
money to waste and every backwards fuck in their "focus groups"
telling them what's good. Here's a better idea, why not let the
DIRECTOR DECIDE! You know, the guy who gets paid to make the damn
thing. Even though, sometimes that's not a good idea either.
It seems that today, everything and everyone in our
land of the free and home of the brave has become dependent upon
the MIGHTY DOLLAR. You know, those little green slips of paper
that decide what your fucking life is like. Yeah, instead of writers,
directors, and producers sitting back and saying, "Gee, what
would be a really good story and make people take an honest look
at their lives," they are all to busy saying, "How many
fucking millions can we make on this piece of utter monkey shit?"
The reason they are like this is because of that dreaded
decade, the 80s. All of our Wall Street, Reaganomics bullshit
has spilled into the streets and infected the minds of the people
of the world. That's when people stopped caring about substance.
Why, because substance is boring. No, we couldn't possibly want
to see some long-winded, meaningful, beautiful piece of cinema
when Arnold is blowing shit up in the next theater for the twentieth
time in ten minutes.
And the theater owners are to blame as well. They have
to have the big Dolby Digital speakers that will make your ears
bleed if you put it past two on the volume dial. Then they put
a great movie like "Gangs of New York" in the smallest
room in the fucking building so we have to guess what the actor's
head looks like because the screen's too damn small.
Maybe it's just that I live in a small fucking town
in Eastern North Carolina called New Bern. Never heard of it?
I'm not surprised. It's a tourist trap from the ninth level of
hell and I can't escape. Why? Because you ass, I work at Blockbuster
and live at home with my folks. Why? Because the company I worked
for, Volaris Online, decided to give up and be swallowed by the
corporate machine that is big business (I believe the CEO was
playing golf in Florida the day we all got shit-canned too, how
about that.)
Yes I'm bitter. I think I deserve good, quality filmmaking
when theaters charge between 6 and 11 dollars just to see it.
And I know what you're thinking, "You work in a video store,
why not wait for it to come out of video?" That's easy, because
if I wait for it to come to video, everyone else would have already
seen it and will reveal any valuable plot tips that would make
the movie a truly wonderful experience. And besides, I like watching
movies on the big screen, in their original widescreen format,
the way they were meant to be seen.
Of course, I do have to wait for some movies to come
out on video because the local, chicken shit theaters around here
refuse to play some of the good stuff. For example, we didn't
get "The Piano" or "The Hours" until after
they were Oscar nominated films.
I'm sick and tired of this. Hollywood makes some kind
of crappy action movie with the same plot, but a different hero
and it's "the best action movie of the year." However,
someone in Hollywood has the gonads to make a wonderful film and
small town, USA doesn't get to see it because the theater's distributor
didn't think it would be a big thing there.
Give hicks a little credit, sometimes they may surprise
you and watch a really good movie, even if they do think it's
crap afterwards. Yes, I know, the distributor and the theater
owners can't afford to take that kind of risk. There's too much
money at stake.
There we go, back to the whole money thing again. Did
you know that studios recieve 70 percent of the box office till
for the first two or three weeks? 70 friggin' percent! Jesus,
no wonder the theaters rush something out the door if it's not
doing well. Is that even legal? I'm not a lawyer, but somehow
that doesn't seem right. How much does a studio really need to
take for a decent profit? I'd say more like 40 or 50. I know it's
still high, but they do have a lot of money involved in the production,
they need to recoup something.
If anything, I think the percent earned should be ratioed
by the amount of dollars involved in production. For example,
a big budget summer blockbuster can stay at 70 percent because
both the studio and the theaters will do well with that movie.
However, the low budget independent film should only be about
35 or 40 percent because the studio generally put very little
money in it and the director didn't spend much to begin with.
If a film makes double what he paid for it, he's made his money's
worth and made a lasting impression on movie-going audiences for
the next time.
When it all comes down to it, that's what this site
is. I'm trying to change a system that desperately needs changing.
Like a baby's dirty diaper, it's time to toss out the old system
and put a fresh one over it, with lots of baby powder, yeah, just
like that...
Oh, sorry, lost myself for a moment. Where was I? Oh
right, the new system. In the new system, filmmakers should feel
free to experiment. Necessity is the mother of all invention,
and by God, we need something new in a desperate way. To all the
established filmmakers who got there by pushing the envelope,
push harder. To the up-and-comers and the not-quite-theres (this
includes myself and my comprades here at Media Blitzkrieg), keep
it up. Don't give up! Keep pursuing your dream and it will come
true.
(Insert appropriate inspirational tune here)
Don't give up the fight! Cause when the going get's
tough...the tough get going! When you get knocked down, you gotta
get back up! This isn't over until we decide it is. Was it over
when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? (Germans? Forget it, he's
rolling.) And it ain't over now. This calls for a completely depraved
and senseless act be done on someone's part, and I think we're
just the guys to do it. Who's with me?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Our apologies the people responsible
for the above rant have been sacked please enjoy the rest of the
rant.
Big honkin' donkey balls...
Again, our apologies, those responsible
for sacking have been sacked we now return you to...
Beaver tossing with John Mcenroe!
Damn it people, haven't you ever
heard of a serious rant. That's it, your all sacked. I've had
it. This is too much. I wasn't paid for this shite. I mean really,
who writes this crap? I sure wouldn't. Can you believe the fucking
nerve of some people? Really. Saying Hollywood makes bad movies.
What about that darling film with the cute young pop star? Oh,
what's her name? Little sweet looking school girl. Ah, Britney
Spears, that's it. And the movie was "Crossroads." What
a good...
*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*BANG*CLICK*CLICK*CLICK*
Oh thank you Jesus! I don't know where that ass goblin
came from, but thank you for that. Dear Lord, "Crossroads?"
I mean really, next he would have mentioned that American Idol
piece of dog shit movie with Kelly and Justin. Who's bright idea
was that? The same people who thought "The Real Cancun"
was a good idea. All the people responsible for this tripe should
be tied to a post in the middle of town and left to fend for themselves
as the rabid poodles lick them to a frenzy. But that's just how
I feel about it.
And bring back the concept of the Drive-In. That would
be cool you biznatches!
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place
e-mail the
sick and twisted mind that wrote this.